Friday, February 17, 2006

Overdue

Hey, good thing I work in the mailroom, or this post would never be happening. Thanks Ryan Kiel for getting everything done before I got here!

Anyway, so several several weeks ago, my mother and I were taking a trip to the mall. And when you live in Clarinda, going to the mall is a real trip, let me tell you. An hour and a half trip. Trippy trippety trip trip. If you are my roommate, you are giving me a weird look right now.

On this particular...excursion...we ended up behind a semi. Which is not unusual, of course, on the interstate. It was one of those shiny chrome tanker things, you know, the ones that have sinister advisory signs on the back, like "Warning: Ridiculously Flammable" or "Caution: Toxic Chemicals--If You Can't See My Mirrors, You Might Already Be A Mutant." This tanker sported a sign as well, and I'm assuming it's supposed to be a warning of some sort, though I'm rather at a loss to imagine what it's warning against. This guy was driving around with a whole shiny chrome semi tanker thing full of "Inedible Fat," according to the giant red letters blazoned on its backside. Inedible Fat. Seriously, that's what it said. Now let's just think about this for a second. What the crap is inedible fat in the first place? No, really. Where does it come from? And why on earth would anyone want a truckload of it?

And let's not forget the cautionary nature of the sign itself. What, are they afraid somebody is going to be suddenly overcome with an urge to climb up to the little porthole-looking thing on the top, wrench it open and start gorging themselves on handfuls of Crisco? That's just disgusting.

Lest you think that this is just an isolated incident, since that day I've seen two more Inedible Fat trucks. Who is collecting all of this lard? And why?

I believe there is only one explanation for this phenomenon, and that is: ALIEN INTERVENTION.

Come on, we're all thinking it, I'm just saying it.